Why It Sucks Learning About Boundaries

Boundaries are necessary in life. We need to have them in order for us to not feel absolutely depleted all the time. You know when your boundaries are being violated or pushed when you feel worn out, resentful, and reactive all the time.

The way I see boundaries violations is like having a piece of fabric that is rubbing on the skin in all the wrong ways and it becomes raw. When more your boundary is violated, the more raw you feel.

But the thing about boundaries is that you will never know you need one until it gets pushed upon. In this world of toxic positivity and invalidation of those uncomfortable feelings, it is easy to dismiss and even shame yourself for having you boundaries violated in the first place.

But really? How would you know there is a boundary? You only know a boundary when you can feel or see the edges. When you recognize those red flags, that when you realize “oh, that’s something I don’t want pushed.”

And on top of that, it can feel hard enforcing those boundaries with others.

You see, just because you are comfortable with having a boundary doesn’t mean that those in your life will feel comfortable with this new change. This isn’t because they are bad people or anything like that and they were benefiting from you not having a boundary. You changing the status quo will be uncomfortable for them.

That’s not on you.

You are not responsible for other’s reactions. *

*assuming you are not engaging in micro- and macro-aggression, gaslighting behaviors, etc.

So if you’re wanting or needing permission to practice setting that boundary, here it is. And be gentle for yourself. It’s hard making changes.