4 Signs You Are Burnt Out from Friends and Family
You love your friends. You will do ANYTHING for your friends. AND you feel a sense of dread in the pit of your stomach when you see them text. You’re starting to wonder if you’re a bad friend or a bad person for feeling this way. Before going down the judgment rabbit hole, see if these signs that you are burnt out applies.
1) When you see their text/calls, you already feel drain and dread
You know that feeling when you’re trying to figure out if you want to talk to this person or if you rather let it go to voicemail. You want to talk to them (or maybe you don’t), but the thought of doing so just sucks the life out of you.
2) You feel more discouraged about yourself after seeing them
You spent time with them and instead of building you up, you felt like they took pieces away from you. Maybe you put in more emotional labor than you wanted to challenge systemic oppression (racism, sexism, homophobia). Or maybe you shared your hopes and excitements to just have them criticized and minimized.
3) You find yourself trying to avoid spending time with them
The thought of sharing how you don’t want to spend time with them leaves you feeling like a “bad” person. You’re left with the feeling of guilt and disgust in the pit of your stomach thinking of the possibility of hurt feelings.
Or maybe you have mentioned how you want to spend less time or said no, but they consistently push the boundaries and ignore your request. Now you’re in this position of actively trying to not be in contact. It’s a lot of energy avoiding someone.
4) Everything they say rubs you the wrong way
It feels like you have little patience for what they say and do. They keep making the same mistakes over and over and you are done.
If you can relate to any of these points, you, my friend, are burnt out. You got nothing left to give at this moment. Now what?
You need to figure out a few things so you can recharge and get back to the relationships that are so important to you.
Is there anything else in my life that leaves me feeling drained?
Work? School? This fucking pandemic? If you feel like your needs are not being met in your life, in general, it’s going to be hard feeling fulfilled and excited about your relationships. You’re not going to want to hang out with others if you’re struggling with depression, getting too much or too little sleep, and feeling restless from being in your home all day. These needs need to be taken care of FIRST so you can have more emotional resources for your friendships and family.
What is it about this relationship is draining?
Are you feeling heard? Do you feel like you’re not able to say no or ask for what you’re needing? Part of being burnt out is that you’re spending more energy than you’re receiving. Something in your relationship is off-balance and has been for awhile. Give yourself permission to think about what you’re needing from your relationship without the guilt. What is it that would help balance it out? If this isn’t addressed, it can lead to feeling resentful at the person you care about.
Have I outgrown this relationship?
If you’re feeling like you have all your needs met, the relationship is relatively balanced, AND you still don’t want anything to do with them: are your values still the same? Do you still have the same interests? Or are you feeling the relationship drifting apart while also clinging onto it for dear life? You can love people and value them for how they have contributed to your life while also letting go if they no longer add to your life. Sometimes it’s not always an option, but it’s also okay to allow yourself some space (mentally, physically) so you can recharge.