Encanto Series Part Two: "We Don't Talk About Bruno"
Spoiler Alert: If you haven’t seen Encanto, you may want to skip this blog.
The thing that really popped into my head when I first heard this song was everybody’s family has a Bruno.
Let’s look at Bruno as he relates to the Madrigal family. Bruno is the uncle in the family who was given the gift of seeing visions. Unfortunately, with his gift, he sees things in the future that makes others feel uncomfortable or unhappy, leaving Bruno to feel like a burden more than an asset, both to his family and his community. In order to protect his family, he made the decision to “leave” (aka living in the walls trying to patch up the cracks without interactions of any kind except with the rats). He becomes the thing that doesn’t get discussed in the family in order to maintain the status quo of the family. We don’t talk about Bruno.
What’s Not Being Talked About In Your Family? With Your Friends?
I love everyone’s take on Bruno (on TikTok, FB and IG posts, etc.) but I haven’t seen this in the terms of family secrets. The spoken and unspoken rules of what is allowed to be addressed versus what needs to be kept quiet.
For some families, the Bruno are actual people in the family. Just like Bruno, these are people who did not fit in or actively challenged the status quo of how things are. The thing about families, there is always a status quo. Everyone has a role and they are conditioned to live up to that role; when the roles and the systems get challenged, it can create a lot of stress (almost like the fracture in the casita) even if the changes are for the better.
For other families, the Bruno are experiences that have occurred that are not allowed to be spoken about. This could mean experiences that were deemed stressful, traumatic, and harmful. That becomes the status quo of the family: not addressing the thing.
Why Do Families Actively Deny the “Bruno”?
While I am not an active family therapist, I do admire looking at the family structure in individual therapy to help bring awareness and understanding about how a person has gotten to this point. Usually the “bad guy” isn’t necessarily an individual person, but rather trauma that has been experienced. Trauma is very complex in how people cope with it which can lead to more trauma through the generations. But why would anybody do this?
Because it was the best way to cope at the time given what they got. Now, this is not to excuse harmful behaviors. Just like it is understandable how in the Madrigal family’s casita why Bruno felt the need to leave because it threatens the sense of safety with the magic and the community, it doesn’t excuse the fact that he was essential written off by his whole family. Both things can be true.
Traumatic responses thrives on secrets. There is a lot of shame, guilt, embarrassment, fear, and all these very uncomfortable emotions and physiological feelings that comes up when people are hurt, neglected, ignored. Sticking to the status quo and ignoring all the “bad” things can bring this sense of safety and security, even if it is a false sense of security.
Abuela denied that the magic was at risk because she was in denial about the realities of the situation. To acknowledge that the magic was at risk left her vulnerable just as she was when she experienced her trauma. It was easier to deny such things happening than to actually address what was really the problem: she was hurt. This does not excuse how she contribute do the transgenerational trauma, but it does give space for compassion.
What Do You Want To Do With the “Bruno” in Your Life?
I am curious: there are things that you are not talking about because it would be pretty intense to talk about it. It would for you to address things that need to be addressed. How does it impact your life to not talk about that person or situation? How does it impact your social relationships (family, friends, colleagues, peers, etc.)? And is that a pattern you want to continue?
Bruno was hurt in this process. He was isolated, disconnected for years, because he felt his gift was a burden and feared others being harmed by it. It wasn’t his fault that he was given the gift of vision and yet he was hurt. In your life, what is being hurt by not addressing this thing? And what do you want to do about it?
If you are currently interested in working with me for individual or group therapy, contact me for your free 15 minute consultation.