Encanto + Mental Health Series Part Three: "Waiting On a Miracle" (1/2)

Okay. There are a few things I want to tackle with this Encanto song: the fact that the first line of defense to being upset is to shove those feelings down AND the underlying message to this song is essentially wanting to be enough for being a part of the family. Let’s get started with the first.

Shoving The Feelings Down

This is the first song where we get to have a glimpse of the underlying theme of enoughness: Mirabel is both not enough by not having a gift and being too much by taking literal space in the home. She starts out with:

“Don’t be upset or mad at all
Don’t feel regret or sad at all
Hey, I'm still a part of the family Madrigal
And I'm fine, I am totally fine
I will stand on the side as you shine”

Based on how automatic she went to denying her feelings, it feels like this is where she is most often: denying, hiding her feelings from her family and even herself. And this makes sense: the culture in the home, while there is love, there is this expectation for perfection. Uncomfortable emotions and feelings (like sadness, anger, fear, guilt, shame, etc.) when addressed tend to crash the illusion of perfection. While Mirabel does not have guilt, she has the gift of shoving down her own feelings in order to lift up her family.

How Are You Shoving Your Feelings Down?

Just like Mirabel, are there times where you are shoving your feelings down in order to lift up the people in your life?

Everyone has a mask that they put on for the world; an act. However, there are levels of authenticity that differ from person to person. Someone who is more comfortable with themselves and feels safe within their body/community will be more authentic and transparent versus someone who is not. In this case, Mirabel does not feel safe to share these feelings of being upset. Even when her mother was trying to make space for her feelings of sadness, she pushed away the feelings and the offer. It is more important and safer for others to think she is okay than for her to be vulnerable. How much of an act are you putting out for the world?

What Does It Mean For You to Shove the Feelings Down?

Every coping mechanism, regardless of how helpful or destructive, is used to get you through the stress. It has a purpose, usually for survival purposes. When you are denying your feelings and pretending to be “fine” (for yourself or for those in your world), is this a way of keeping you safe? How does not sharing this level of vulnerability helpful for you?

For many, it is a way to be safe. If you did not have a childhood environment where you were able to freely express your feelings while receiving support, it can be terrifying to share your vulnerability as an adult. And it makes sense: if your parents or guardians were not able to tolerate your big emotions (because kids have big emotions), the message your received was you were being too much. You may have had your feelings dismissed or may have received a punishment for expressing yourself, despite that you were probably trying to cope the best way you could with what you got.

But for many, there is this sense of protecting others from the burden of worry or ruining anything. You may feel like it is an obligation for others to care for you; that is a lot of responsibility on your shoulders for people to care. It feels weird and you do not like it. And on the other hand, there is this fear of being blamed for things going badly. For instance, Bruno had to leave the home as a way of protecting his family from things being ruined, despite the fact that the trauma was contributing to casita’s crack.

How often do you hide your feelings because you want to protect the people around you? And what message does that send to you about you?

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