Are You Embracing Feel-Good Things?
I often talk to my clients about the things that feel good for them, whether it’s stuff that they used to do as a child or more recent past. There is an energy that flows when doing things that are deeply connecting and authentic.
When I’m in my Head and When I’m Not
For instance, take me for example, I am a person very much in my head. I like to analyze and analyze and then analyze some more. I love planning. I love coming up with dreams and projects and things. But it can also lead to a lot of anxiety when things do not go as planned. You can ask my spouse how when I over-plan trips, it can be stressful for all the things that “should” happen that aren’t happening.
But there is this place where I can go back to that is full of lightness. It’s song - getting lost in singing along to a well-loved soundtrack (usually showtune) or performing. I used to be in band and choir and I would get lost in the performance. Usually I did not do as well when I stayed in my head and overanalyzed what needs to be done. It’s even with providing therapy when I’m feeling connected to my clients and the rest of the world goes away (as Natalie from Next to Normal when singing about playing her piano).
What Activities Feel Good For You?
So I ask about those moments for my clients and I will ask that of you: what activities feel good to you?
Now, this is not an exercise for letting yourself fall into what “should” feel good, but what actually feel good?
Is it something that energizes you or is it something that calms you down? A little bit of both?
Different things are going to feel good at different times. For instance, if you had a stressful or tense day, your body may be craving something to calm the nervous system. Whereas if you had a day that did not have enough stimulation or maybe it’s super early, maybe you need something that will energize (think dance-it-out from Grey’s Anatomy).
How often do you let yourself get into these spaces of feeling good?
If you’re like most people, you probably get caught up in the grind of productivity. It’s about what needs to get done and how quickly can you do it. Productivity and capitalism can often minimize the importance of engaging in these activities because it can feel like a distraction from what "should” be getting done. So when do you actually allow yourself to engage in pleasurable activities.
What reservations do you have for letting yourself feel pleasure?
When you’re used to being exhausted, anxious, depressed, overwhelmed, it can be really hard to let in pleasure. I think of it as being comfortably uncomfortable. Leaving that state of discomfort (all the worry and tension and maybe even hopelessness) can be fucking terrifying and so it can feel easier (despite the pain) staying in the discomfort. This might mean that you may not prioritize feel-good activities because feeling joy, relaxation, pleasure can bring up some pretty intense feelings. So if you let yourself be honest and curious, what gets in the way of prioritizing feel-good activities?
How can you incorporate this into your life?
And it’s not about going all-in on all the things. This is about introducing some of the things that feel good a little at a time. What’s one thing you can incorporate? Is it having alone time or singing to yourself in the shower or dancing to a song without worrying about what others think? Is it cuddling with your cat or dog or hamster?
The more you are able to let yourself feel good, the easier to live a more sustainable life.
If you are interested in working with me, I am currently accepting clients for individual therapy and participants for the Movies & Mental Health Workshop Series: BIPOC Intergenerational Trauma with Encanto. Click on the links to either contact me or reserve your spot.