How To Talk About Your Suicidal Thoughts With Others
The stigma around suicide makes it really difficult to reach out for help. Not only that, our society does not teach us how to cope with really uncomfortable emotions, in general. You may notice that when someone loses a loved one that people either get really uncomfortable and say awkward or inappropriate things, avoid, or try to look on the “bright side.” If we’re not able to sit with the intense discomfort of normal life, it is especially hard to cope with the feelings that comes up when talking about suicide.
If you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts, it can be a pretty isolating experience and you may be ready to share these feelings with someone. There is a lot of hesitation because of the unknowns: how are they going to take it? What happens if they don’t accept it? What happens if I get what I want? Will I be able to handle the attention?
Friends being open and trusting each other.
Tips on How To Talk About Suicide With Someone
Identify Someone You Trust
The topic of suicide and your experience is a pretty vulnerable one. Setting yourself up for success will involve figuring out who in your life is dependable, trustworthy, and has the emotional bandwidth resources. When you are new to being vulnerable, it can feel like nobody meets the criteria. It is easier to stay uncomfortably comfortable with the secrets of your pain than to allow others to see it. Fight this urge and let yourself be open to trusting. Ask yourself these questions:
Has this person been there for me in the past?
How does this person support others?
Have there been times where I felt dismissed or unheard when sharing a concern?
If the person in mind is generally supportive and you have felt safe with them in the past regarding other issues, they may be safe for you to talk about your suicidal thoughts. If the person leaves you feeling insecure, questioning whether or not you have a right to feel a certain way, or violates others’ trust, then they may not be the best person to talk to.
Be Kind To Yourself When Discomfort Comes
Because this is a new experience, it will be uncomfortable. This does not necessarily mean you are making the wrong decision, but making a decision that’s taking you into the unknown. If you’re used to caring for others and not being taken care of in return, this can also bring up a lot of uncomfortable feelings. Make space for those feelings and prepare how you will cope when it feels too intense. Here are some ideas on what you can do to help tolerate the discomfort:
journaling
drawing
listening to music
taking a shower
moving your body
Talk in a Private Space
Make sure to find a space where you can talk without having to worry about those around you. COVID may make it more difficult for you to connect, so find a way that will be safe and dependable for you. This might be making a phone call, scheduling to talk on Zoom, or messaging each other via text.
Ask for What You Need
You may not know what you’re wanting and needing and that is also okay. If you have the space and time, I would recommend journaling or processing how you hope the conversation will go. Here are some ideas:
What am I hoping to get out of the conversation?
How am I hoping to feel after I shared?
Do I want my friend or family member to do anything for me?
Am I wanting my friend or family member to listen?
What do I not want to happen?
The clearer you are, the easier it will be for you to ask for what you’re needing/wanting or to say no.
Identify How You Can Keep Yourself Safe
If you’re struggling with keeping yourself safe and do not have the resources to help you stay safe, you may need to go to your local emergency room or crisis center. If you’re unable to find transportation, you may have transportation available through 911 or your local crisis hotline.
However, if you are not in immediate crisis, you can identify and share ways that you will reach out for help if you are feeling you need additional support. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline has many resources on how to create a safety plan to keep you safe when things feel too overwhelming, including how to notice when you’re starting to feeling unsafe.