"I Don't Like It When People Care About Me"

“I don’t want to worry anyone.”

”I don’t want you to worry about me.”

“I don’t want them to take on my problems. They have problems of their own.”

I hear this a lot, both in my personal and professional life. The idea of someone worrying is enough to keep a person quiet - including when something like suicidal thoughts or thoughts of self-harm are popping up. It’s as if having someone care is the worst thing in the world.

But the truth is: when you care about someone, you’re going to care. It’s part of the relationship. In fact, the more you care about someone, the more you’re going to care about their well being.

You might be thinking about how you’re the exception or thinking ways to get around this fact. It is a pretty big thing to accept and not everyone is ready for it.

How To Let Others In and Care

Coping Skills

One of the first things you need to do is learn how to tolerate uncomfortable feelings. You do not have to be a pro at distress tolerance, but it is important to give yourself opportunities to practice. If you’re not used to attention and caring, it will feel extremely uncomfortable. Ride the wave. If you struggle with the emotions, it can easily spiral into racing thoughts and negative beliefs that make you feel worse.

Challenge Problematic Thoughts and Beliefs

Many people do not feel they are worthy of being cared for. There is a limited amount of caring and it should not go towards you.

Or perhaps, there is the belief that your problems are too big or too much for the other person. You want to protect them from being hurt.

These are all beliefs based on your perspective. Assuming that the individual in question has not done anything to betray your trust (because that is also a thing), not everyone will feel overwhelmed by you opening up. Not everyone will feel exhausted after their interaction with you.

What are the facts? If the thoughts are judgmental towards yourself and others, that is not a fact but an interpretation based on your feelings. If the thoughts are predicting the future (that’s leading to doom), that is not a fact, but an interpretation of your feelings. The fact is: you are probably scared of what is going to happen. You want to open up and it’s terrifying looking into the unknown. AND that does not mean it is all doom.

Self-Compassion

I am a broken record with this. You will not be doing this perfectly from the beginning. You will have intense feelings because that is what happens when you’re vulnerable. AND you deserve to be cared for. You deserved to be heard. You deserve to have your needs met.

You are not a burden. It’s not about loved ones fixing the problems, but about having moments of connection so you do not have to be alone in your experience. Worrying is a part of the human experience. You care and you worry. They care and they worry.