What People Don't Tell You About Feeling Better From Therapy
You go to therapy because you WANT to feel better. You might have been feeling awful about yourself or in your relationships for years or your entire lifetime. You’re tired and want this cycle to stop. You go, you talk to someone who makes you feel heard, validated, and challenges you in the right way that brings a feeling of relief and even peace. It feels so good and then it is absolutely fucking terrifying.
What people don’t always talk about is how scary it can be when you are starting to feel better.
Or when you’re able to feel safe within yourself or with others. It’s uncomfortable to feel like you can be vulnerable. There is this comfort about the uncomfortable that is at least predictable. It’s easier to prepare for someone to hurt you because you know what to do to prevent that: just don’t let anyone get close. And you don’t know what to do when you find that you have trustworthy people in your life (including yourself). What the hell do you do with that?! It can feel like this is only temporary and that something bad will happen.
And not only is it terrifying to trust people, it’s terrifying to trust yourself.
Sometimes the way to think about recovery (especially from trauma) is that when you start to feel safe within your own body, you may feel more pain and discomfort. Think of how much hurt you’ve experienced over the years that was shoved down. Think of all the invalidations that you experienced from others and yourself that added to the emotional injuries bottled up. When you start to feel safe within yourself, those things will come up. And it’s not a “bad” thing.
Think of it like this: when someone feels safe around you, they are more likely to share their most vulnerable parts because they know you won’t hurt them. The same goes for yourself. When you start to feel safe for you, your own stuff will come up because you trust you to be safe with those vulnerable parts. It can feel pretty trippy when you’re so new to being kind and accepting and trusting and hopeful.
Be kind to yourself about this process.
It is hard and uncomfortable and scary and vulnerable and powerful and liberating and terrifying. All in wrapped up together. Once you’re able to sit and tolerate the calm and stability, it will get easier to accept it. In fact, you might even enjoy and relish that calm, quiet, and dependable.