Why is it hard to hope?

I’m going to be honest here: hope is fucking scary.

To hope means to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable will always leave you open to hurt, disappointment, and potential pain.

To be able to carry hope means there is privilege.

In this world of toxic positivity and fancy sayings and mental health campaigns that focus on the need for hope, it can be easy to feel poorly about yourself if you’re not in that space. It can be easy for those in your life to say you’re a “Debbie Downer” or too “negative” to not be open for hope when hope can be truly scary.

If you are feeling so emotionally raw that another disappointment will intensify the pain in your life, it’s going to be hard to hope. Hope isn’t a magic bullet for success or happiness, but it does bring in room for inspiration and fun and motivation. I know I have experienced this myself and I have seen others struggling with it: it’s hard to hope when you need to survive the moment. Who cares about big dreams when you’re just trying to make it to tomorrow?

This is not to say that I don’t want you to hope. I’m here to not push hope on you if you are not ready for it. I get that. Just because you are not feeling hopeful for anything doesn’t mean there isn’t hope for you. Your friends, family, supports, colleagues, peers, WHOEVER can hold that for you in the meantime. You can work on survival and when the pieces are right and you’ve had enough space to heal and feel safe, you’ll make room for it.

If you find yourself struggling with feeling hopeless and needing support and currently living in California, I am accepting clients for individual therapy. Contact me for more information.