Why Relying on Someone's Resilience is a Problem

As a therapist, I admire the resilience that my clients have in order to get through all the challenges and adversity they have experienced. They are strong human beings and I see that.

However, I hate that people have to be resilient all the time, especial for marginalized folx. It is expected that they maintain a level of resilience in order to be considered “strong.” Not only that, resilience has a certain “look” that must be met in ordered to count. This is the look of being unemotional, unaffected by the environment or people. Being able to keep a smile despite the world burning.

And it’s unrealistic.

People are resilient and it is not fair to make them depend only on their resilience to survive, because that’s what it is. It’s survival. It’s not healing. It’s getting from one day to the next.

I was reading an article regarding resilience as a form of suicide prevention (refer to the reference for more information) and I got upset. People who are struggling with suicidal thoughts are already resilient. They make it through the day experiencing emotional and physical and environmental struggles that is pushing their limits. We don’t need them to be more resilient. We need to look at the problems underneath.

Resilience is great. It gets people to survive and make it through the shit. But it should not be used as the first line of defense.

We need to be looking at what is going on that is causing people to use their resilience all the time. We need to address the racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, poverty, etc. By focusing on someone’s strength through a crisis, we ignore the issues that are underneath.

Let’s work on creating spaces where people do not have to be resilient for a second.

REFERENCE:

Sher, L. (2019). Resilience as a focus of suicide research and prevention. Acta Psychiatrica Scandinavica, 140, 169-180.