You can be the "bad guy," but you don't want to

It’s part of fighting the status quo. You’re the challenger. You’re the troublemaker. You’re being uncooperative. Or what you’re saying is “unkind” because of how direct you are.

It’s exhausting having to be the person CONSTANTLY putting up boundaries. It’s exhausting being the person who is CONSTANTLY told that you’re being a problem or how you suck because you do not take abuse (verbal, emotional, mental, spiritual, etc.) quietly as is what is expected.

You keep up the boundaries. You demand respect. You are firm.

And it would also just be nice if people were able to respect humanity. Or even the basic rules of your home, work, social groups, etc.

It would be WONDERFUL feeling as if other people can see these more fun sides to you because you’re not just the “no” person. You’re not just the person who causes “drama.”

You have interests and passions and hobbies and talents.

You have favorite foods and movies and music and shows that you would rather talk about. Or deep conversations on what it means to be human without having defend the humanity of the marginalized (because that is not up for debate).

It would be a breath of fresh air and a relief if you were able to show all sides to yourself instead of the one that’s “angry,” “defensive,” and “sensitive.” It would be nice to have a break from having to advocate and maintain boundaries that are necessary.

So what can you do to balance challenging the status quo and taking care of yourself?

Are you able to reach out with other like minded folx who share either the same identities or the same struggles? Ones where you do not have to explain why something is racist, sexist, ableist, etc. because they just get it. Is this a place on the internet on a Facebook Group or Reddit subthread or Discord? It’s so important to find your support because you need those. And because we are more than just our identities, how do you let yourself connect on things that are outside of the fight? What are things you like to do? What are your hobbies?

If you’re unable to reach out, give yourself permission to have alone time where you engage in the things you like.

Go for that walk and listen to the podcast about cats.

Watch laughing babies on YouTube.

Play with your planners and pens and art supplies because those are just awesome things to use.

Just know you can always go back to these things when it feels overwhelming having to be the “bad guy.”