Do You Really Have Imposter Syndrome?
Does It Feel Like Imposter Syndrome?
There is this belief that if you struggle with believe in your own abilities or that you rightfully earned your achievements, that it is imposter syndrome. It’s understandable to believe that having these types of insecurities and doubts can pop up when things are going right:
you feel like you’re lying to people and that you’re going to be “caught” as not being as good
you’re fearful of making a mistake and not living up to previous successes because it feels like it was a fluke
It sounds a lot like how imposter syndrome sounds, however, how much of it is just not you believing in yourself versus what people, directly or indirectly, have told you over a lifetime? My question is, is it really imposter syndrome when you have been explicitly told how you will not achieve or that you'r success was just luck?
Why Does It Matter To Not Call It Imposter Syndrome?
Like most of therapy in the Westernized world, we focus on individualism. While there is nothing inherently wrong with being an individualistic versus collectivistic cultures, or even viewing them on a spectrum, there is a problem when we have people take personal responsibility for believing abusive and violent messages that are widely believed in society.
Here are some examples of some of the messages:
Being emotional is seen as being “too sensitive” which means there is something wrong with you.
Stimming is seen as being “weird” which means there is something wrong with you.
Having trouble staying focused on tasks or sitting in one spot is seen as being a “bad” (insert thing here: student, employee, friend, partner).
Existing as an BIPOC in this world means so many things that make you less of a person (racism).
Women are bad at math.
Women are bad at finances.
Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list of messages society has communicated to all of us. This list does not include the beliefs that were taught in our families. Regardless, it is understandable if you are seeing, hearing, and experiencing these messages on a daily basis how it can impact the way you view yourself and your achievements. If you have been told that you are incapable of success, of course you’re going to question if you actually deserve it. If you are told that you are meant to fail, it makes sense that when you are achieving things that it feels like it’s not true.
Calling it what it is puts the responsibility on the environment and our need for change. Yes, you may have to do the internal work to heal the wounds and challenge the negative beliefs because they are there, and that wasn’t your burden to bear in the first place.
What can you do to help with feeling less than or undeserving?
It might have to start with you having to remind yourself why you have earned your achievements:
What experiences and education have you received to get here?
What lived experiences has helped you get to the place where you’re at?
What skills do you have, learned or more innate, that help you succeed or move through barriers?
It is also important to make space for those insecurities and the feeling of being an “imposter” because those feelings are valid. So some things to be curious about:
What thoughts are coming up that is saying that you are less than?
What feelings are actually underneath those insecurity? Is it fear? Hurt? Sadness? Guilt? Shame? Anger? What is the feeling trying to communicate with you?
Where did you learn that message?
When you’re able to start validating the feelings and differentiating yourself from the messages that were taught throughout your life, it will be easier to move past those feelings of insecurity.
Of course, having a strong support system will help buffer as well, compared to not having any support system.
If you would like to learn more by working with me, contact me here.