Why You Can’t “Just Get Over It”
Everyone has been in a spot where either they were told, or told themselves, that they need to just get over it. Whatever “it” is. A break up, being embarrassed in front of a group, past trauma. You name it, there was a chance that someone, including yourself, told you that you need to be done with it and move on.
And yet, this is not happening. No matter how hard you try. No matter how hard you shove things underneath, it keeps popping up. You keep feeling those “bad” things or thinking those “bad” thoughts. You’re also probably blaming yourself for not trying harder.
This is a reminder that there is nothing wrong with you for not just “getting over it.”
In fact, when you’ve experienced something upsetting or traumatizing, it might take some time to process and is no indication of you choosing to feel the way you do. In fact, the more you try to shove it down and ignore, the longer it’s going to take for you to work through it and feel better.
Think about it in this way:
If you happen to get a deep cut, it’s going to hurt. There is physical trauma that occurred and your body is informing you of the damage that’s done so you can do something. If you chose to not get medical attention for it and let dirt and debris fall into your cut (because you’re ignoring that it happened), then it’s going to get infected. So not only is it not healing faster, it’s getting even more damage and thus more pain.
If you wouldn’t do that with a physical wound (and I definitely don’t recommend that), then why is it any different with emotional wounds? Why is it that ignoring something that is important is going to make it go away? It can’t. And it leaves you feeling more depleted because of the energy it takes to pretend things are okay. That’s called acting.
So what can you do when you’re frustrated with yourself for feeling crummy?
Being compassionate with yourself :
You are feeling pretty bad so why not be on your side and show yourself some grace.
Be curious about what the feeling is underneath the frustration; what is your emotions trying to convey to you:
I get why it would be frustrating to sit with uncomfortable feelings. AND what are those feelings trying to communicate? Are you sad and needing to connect with someone for support? Are you worried about something? Are you hurt and need some validation? Emotion is just data about what’s going on.
Engage in self-care:
Make sure you are taking care of yourself and nurturing yourself. Eat when you’re hungry. Hydrate. Move your body. Get sleep. It’s hard enough feeling these intense emotions, you don’t need to physically feel run down as well.
How are you going to give yourself permission to feel that discomfort?